健美大神之路（A Bodybuilder Is Born）
Episode 15 – Welcome To The Real World!
Kids these days seem to linger around the house a lot longer before striking out on their own. Not so long ago, young adults just couldn’t wait to escape the rules and privacy intrusions from mom and pop.
The whole idea was to cut the umbilical cord and begin the transformation into a mature, responsible grown-up who took care of himself. Back then, admitting you still lived at home was like confessing you had never kissed a girl, unless your cousin counted.
I’m not sure if it’s because renting a house or apartment these days costs roughly as much as open-heart surgery, but the amount of ’empty nests’ sure has gone down.
I have known many young people who lived at home long into their twenties and in some cases, even their thirties, and not all of them were regular attendees of Star Trek conventions who had chronic halitosis and visible nose hair. Many of them were just too greedy to leave home.
Instead of plunking down eighty percent of their paychecks on food and rent, they could simply throw the parental units some cash here and there and use the rest to lease a flashy sports car and clothes with designer names.
I suppose all these guys must have to come up with some crazy excuses as to why they can’t show their lady friends where they live. This is most definitely Randy’s generation, and he fit the profile exactly – at least until a couple months ago.
Randy Finds A Job
Randy turned twenty-three back in July, and that’s when his parents decided it was time for his buffed butt to find his own place. After finally looking into how much it costs to rent a one-bedroom apartment in Massachusetts, which for some reason has the highest rental rates of any state in the union (must be our spectacular fall foliage), the young buck realized he needed a higher-paying job.
A friend of his had been doing very well earning commissions as a new car salesman, and had convinced Randy to give it a shot at the same dealership.
Being an outgoing guy and not bad-looking, it actually turned out to be a good fit and he was now making enough dough to support himself in his very first apartment. Great news, right? I thought so too, until Randy started complaining to me during a back workout a few days ago. Until he gets himself a wife, I have to listen to him whine.
“This job is killing my gains!” he groused after dropping from the chin-up bar after a set. “I had no idea the hours would be this long. The worst thing is that I am missing meals like crazy.
I’ll be with a customer for two or three hours at a time a lot, and there’s no way I can drop everything and have them wait while I sneak off to eat. If I do that, I could lose the sale, and I need those sales right now.”
“Yes, I know you no longer have mommy and daddy’s refrigerator to raid for your growing muscles. Meat ain’t cheap, is it? You may even have to do your own laundry now with all those stinky gym clothes soaked with sweat. Welcome to the real world of being a grown-up, Sparky.”
“So what? You’re saying I have to just keep missing meals until I look like a skeleton and I can’t even bench press forty pounds anymore?”
“No, all I’m saying is that you have to do what every other bodybuilder who isn’t fortunate enough to work at home has to do – be creative and come up with ways to get access to the nutrients you need.”
Randy jumped up and did his last set of chin-ups. I had weaned him off of using wrist wraps for these, and now his formerly spindly forearms actually had a little meat on them. “I’m listening,” said Randy with a hint of sarcasm after he hit the ground. “Let’s hear what you would do if you were doing my job.”
I pondered a moment, finding it challenging to envision myself with such a high-pressure occupation as convincing people to blow a year’s salary over the course of a five-year loan on the car I was selling, rather than the car the guy in the dealership across the turnpike was selling.
Cars are starting to look alike now anyway. Plus, if I had a real job like that which could possibly have my day tied up from eight in the morning until six or eight at night.
I would have to start training either very early or very late like Randy now did. Because of this, we were only training together on Friday, his one day of the week he had off now.
But since a big part of what I do as a bodybuilding writer is finding ways for the average person to make gains no matter what their schedule, I concentrated extra hard until I got a ‘brain blast’ like that big-headed Jimmy Neutron character on Nickelodeon.
“Coffee mugs,” I said. “Coffee mugs?” Jimmy asked as he loaded up the T-Bar Row. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?” “That’s how you’re going to make sure you never miss out on the protein and carbs you need. I know you would come off like a dork walking around with shaker bottles all day, but I bet you can get away with holding a coffee mug.
You know, one of those nice stainless steel ones. Keep a little cooler behind your desk with two or three of these. You can have shakes with Optimum Whey, Hi-Protein, or even 50/50 Plus powder or some Pro Carb if you need carbs.
知道吧，就是那种质量很好的不锈钢咖啡杯，在你办公桌后放一个小型冷藏箱和两三个这种杯子，这样你就可以喝到加了欧普特蒙乳清蛋白粉、Hi-Protein蛋白粉或50/50 Plus 蛋白碳水粉的奶昔了，如果需要碳水的话，还可以专门加点Pro Carb碳水化合物粉。
You could even throw in some MCT Oil if you need more calories. And,” I added in a flash in inspiration, “you could even mix in a little real coffee so your breath gives off that pungent java aroma and your customers don’t suspect there’s a musclehead under the three-piece suit slurping away on protein.”
Finding A Solution
It was a great idea. In Massachusetts, there is a Dunkin’ Donuts franchise about every two blocks, and coffee is the unofficial fifth food group to most adults here. Everyone from the police officer to the harried housewife ferrying kids to soccer practice relies on a steady infusion of caffeine to help keep them awake and alert.
这主意很不错。在麻萨诸塞州，每两个街区就有一家唐恩都乐加盟店（Dunkin’ Donuts franchise），咖啡对这里的大多数成人而言属于非正式的第五类食物。从警官到送孩子去练足球的忙碌家庭主妇，所有人都需要经常喝点咖啡来帮助保持清醒和警惕。
I suppose if we took it away from all of them, we would be faced with an epidemic of narcolepsy. Since the last thing I want is to be on the road when the driver in the car in front of me spontaneously slumps over the wheel snoring, I am not about to challenge the widespread addiction to the coffee bean. Randy was now nodding.
“Yeah, that might work. We already have one guy who must go through about twenty cups of coffee a day at the dealership, and he sips at them constantly even with his customers.”
“I hope his prostate gland is in good shape, because that sounds like a whole lot of bathroom breaks to me.” Randy didn’t quite get that one. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing you need to think about – for about fifteen or twenty years, at least.”
“Okay, but I’m still having trouble with my workouts. If I train before work, I don’t feel like I’m really awake yet and kind of weak. If I train after work, I’m usually tired and feel weak too.”
“You need to set a time that you will train every day and stick to it, so that your body clock gets acclimated to performing at that particular time. I think you’re much better off training in the early morning before work. It’s only going to be rough for a week or two at most, then you get used to it and you’re just as strong as usual. Unless…”
“Unless what?” Randy demanded to know. “Unless you stay up all night with one of your little girlfriends, junior. Nobody gets a good workout on two hours of sleep.” “Well,” he said, actually starting to blush, “I have been staying up past my bedtime more often since I left home.”
“It’s all about time management. You know you need to sleep a good eight hours a night to grow, and it’s up to you to stay on top of that. I also recommend you make absolutely sure you get a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner if everything else is going to be shakes”. Randy agreed and promised to follow through on all of this, and we finished the workout.
I looked across the street from the gym, where there was a Dunkin’ Donuts with a line of cars stretching from the drive-thru window all the way around the building to the other side. Yes, my fellow Yankees sure did love their coffee, and hundreds of thousands of them thought nothing of spending three or four dollars every day on some sugary concoction like a Coolata or a Dunkachino.
I know, because I had downed more than a few of these myself. “I’m in the wrong business,” I mused to no one in particular. I sniffed the air. The girl at the front desk had a huge Styrofoam cup of some chocolaty-smelling coffee. My hand moved to my wallet as the coffee joint drew me like a magnet. “I can quit any time I want to,” I lied to myself, as any addict will.