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译与译写比较

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译与译写比较

——以2015世界机器人大赛某支持单位外宣译文为例
作者:水陆军

引言:
在翻译过程中译与译写虽是两种不同的处理方式,但它们都要遵循不偏离主题却又能达到充分体现源语表达内容的原则。个人理解,“译”是根据源语内容,按照译入语的表达方式,传达出原作者的意思。它应遵循信与达的原则。而“译写”则是在译的基础上,按目的语的表达习惯对源语信息进行重新组织,充分运用加译、减译、位移等多种翻译技巧,补足缺损的文化和信息背景,尽最大可能增强信息传递类译文的可读性和理解性。

众所周知,中文为高语境语言,重意合。有时几个词几句话,由于内在的逻辑关系、上下文的引导,可表现出隐含在字里行间的丰富信息,源语作者也可认为已经达意了。但是,有时,这种表达对缺少相关背景信息的目的语读者则不能或难以达到相同或相似的理解。英语重字面表达和理解,要求是一个脚印一个坑,注重具体内容的表述。

2015世界机器人大赛某支持单位的外宣材料,以信息传递功能为主,同时兼有推介广告的作用。由于两种语言表达方式的不同,为避免受众理解有误,在修改时则侧重以译写的方式进行灵活处理。以下通过几个例句的分析对译与译写进行简单分析,与译友们交流,共同进步。

(FMC:下面的每个句子我都给出了自己的译法和译写法,大家可以自行比较一下效果。仅供参考,欢迎交流。)
1.本旅行社为大赛商旅服务特别支持单位;
原译:The travel agency is a special support unit of the competition in providing travel services.
FMC: Our travel agency is one of the business trip service providers of the competition.
水陆军建议:Anhui XXX Travel Consulting Co., Ltd (hereinafter referred to as ANH) is a support unit to the RoboCup 2015, particularly in providing travel services for contestants and participants.
FMC: Anhui XXX Travel Consulting Co., Ltd. (hereinafter referred to as ANH) is one of the service providers of the RoboCup 2015, mainly offering travel services to contestants and participants.
水陆军简析:原译主要是按字面直译,缺少能让读者获取的服务信息,如服务单位,大赛内容和具体服务对象。因此,在确保主干内容表述正确的同时,采用译写的方式进行适当加译,可补足相关信息,增强信息量的传递。

2.通过本社预定大赛推荐酒店,享免费接送机、接送站、会场接送服务;
原译:Those who book competition-committee-designated hotels through this agent can enjoy free pick-up and drop-off service at airport, station and the venue of the meeting.
FMC: You can receive free airport/station/meeting venue transfer services if you book the competition-recommended hotel through us.
水陆军建议:Free pick-up and drop-off at airport, train station and competition venue are available to those who have booked via ANH the hotels recommended by the organizing committee.
FMC: Free airport/station/meeting venue transfer services will be provided for those who have booked the competition-recommended hotel via ANH.
水陆军简析:原译按汉语顺序行文,“句势”以“book hotels”开始。因此句的卖点是“pick-up”和“drop-off”,建议采用位移 (乾坤大挪移)的翻译技巧,先说出好处,再说出条件,使其能尽快吸引眼球,引起潜在客户的兴趣。

3.为了你的商旅行程更加方便、安全及大赛组织单位提供更好的增值服务,请优先考虑与本单位合作;
原译:For your more convenient and safer business travel, and for your other value-added services by the organizing committee, please give priority to the consideration on the cooperation with us.
FMC: Choose us first if you want your business trip more convenient, safer and receive better value-added services provided by the competition organizer.
水陆军建议:You are invited to choose ANH for your pre- and/or post-event travels and you will surely enjoy better and more convenient services provided by us and other units supporting the event.
FMC: You are highly welcome to choose ANH first for experiencing a more convenient, safer business trip and better value-added services provided by the competition organizer.
水陆军简析: 汉语使用“更”,强调的是“锦上添花”,但照字面译则有一定的排它性,特别是使用了“安全”一词,则会让人感觉其他的机构都不是那么太安全(如果其他的都不是太安全,又如何能保证这家支持单位的安全性)。句子“请优先考虑与本单位合作” 显得 “本社”位卑,强力乞求意味过浓。在用 “invite sb. to do sth.” 句型进行译写处理后,则显得 “本社” 热情友好,如同老朋友般在进行交流。另外在建议给出的译文中,旅程安排时间得到了细化,也使得信息更加明确。

4.请了解我社提供的如下商旅服务,请将需求邮件告知我们,我们将尽快给你回复;
原译:Please understand the following services provided by us and email us your requirements. We will reply you as soon as possible.
FMC: The business trip services provided by us are listed below for your information. You can tell us your needs by email and we’ll send you a reply as soon as possible.
水陆军建议:The following items are the services ANH offers. Your interest in them and your early message telling us what you want will be highly appreciated and we will respond to you as soon as possible.
FMC: The business trip services provided by ANH are listed below for your information. You are highly appreciated to inform us of your special needs by email in advance and we’ll reply your email as soon as possible.
水陆军简析:原译显得语气 “咄咄逼人”,为使译文让人喜闻乐见,这里对“请了解”处理成 “your interest in them”, 变成了“你的关注”, 则能显得有礼貌。在译写时又加上了“…will be highly appreciated”,使人感到亲切自然。

结语:
无论是译还是译写,都需要在对原文深刻理解的基础上,挖掘原文中所包含或隐含的信息,进行缺损信息补足。可以参考原文中的上下文提及的内容,从语篇、段落、词汇内容上采取相应的译或译写的方式进行处理,而不是简单地按字面表意进行对应。这样可以避免表达不确切,甚至导致引起歧义误解的情况发生。此外,翻译时要将受众放在心里,在译和译写过程中充分考虑两种文化的差异,从而得到带有感情的信息传达效果。

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  1. 赞一下楼主的功力。不过,个人觉得有些改译的部分可以再精炼一些,此外,原文有些表达比较中式,不一定非得按其结构译,还原成英文原有的习惯表达可能会更好,也更符合“译写”之说。

    • 谢谢Alex参与讨论。嗯,你可以把你的译法写出来,供我和大家学习一下。